Finding my ancestors with 🍄

Spoiler alert, I didn't but I saw something more

Hi frens, it’s 80. Thanks for coming along with me on this journey. We’re here to heal ourselves, so that we can be our best selves, so that we can change the world.

In this issue, I’m going to dive into my 🍄 experience.

After my first EMDR session, the world changed for me. The constant loud noises in my head was turned down, and all I had was the world quietly to myself. It presented new things that weren’t accessible to me, some good, some not so good. What I did know was I was ready to keep going.

I sent an intention on there that I’d like to try out a 🍄 trip.

I watched Paul Stamets’ Fantastic Fungi on Netflix, and I heard from a few people on their trips.

A friend (I’ll call him Joe) offered to be my guide.

I flew into town and spent the night at a friend’s house. The next morning, I got dropped off at Joe’s house.

I went inside, and sat at the kitchen bar while he was getting setup. At this point, I’m anxious. Dan, my protector, is starting to kick in. He wants me to get out of dodge.

Joe’s mixing up a tea concoction. He’s got a couple bags of green tea, some honey, and he says 7 grams of ground up 🍄.

He asks if I want to take it straight up, or if he should strain it.

I don’t know, what’s good?

Okay, fine, I’m going to take it all. Let’s YOLO.

It’s not as bad tasting as I thought. I’m chewing chunks of mushrooms.

I work my way down to the bottom of the cup, carefully scooping up all the last bits.

Now we chill and we wait.

Just relax, it’ll take 30 minutes to kick in

I get up to go to the bathroom one final time.

I look in the mirror and ask myself, WFT am I doing.

I come back out to the kitchen and sit down.

How do you feel?

I’m a little nervous.

Wait, there’s a tingle in my upper chest. Is that normal?

Uh, no. That’s fast dude, you’re not supposed to feel it yet.

Well, I do.

We walk out into his backyard. He’s got a nice small pool and a little cottage.

He’s making the bed and getting the equipment ready.

The world starts to spin a bit. I feel a little nauseous.

Dude, don’t throw up.

I’m not sure I can control that man. Okay, I’ll breathe more.

My heart is racing. I know this feeling. My body reacts to things very quickly and I go into a panic when I’m feeling out of control.

My vision starts to distort.

I’m feeling like I’m missing tiny snippets of time.

Joe helps me into bed.

I made it.

He puts on headphones. Then the eye mask. Then the weighted blanket.

It feels nice I said.

I calm down a bit. I feel safer.

Strap in, you’re going for a ride

With the eye mask on, headphones on, and the weighted blanket, it’s a little sensory deprivation.

I don’t have the outside world to worry about.

It’s dark, there are some tunes playing.

I see color flashes, then a kaleidoscope of colors.

It feels like space mountain at Disneyland.

Out of the dark tunnel come magical shapes and colors.

They’re pulsing with the beat of the music.

I feel a tingle go up and down my body, like a plane of existence crossing through me.

I’m tasting colors (I know, that’s weird).

I can smell shapes (even weirder).

I see mist (super weird).

Then my protector kicks in and says I want to get off this ride. Let’s go.

I’m doing maths in my head and we’re here for at least six hours. There’s no getting off this ride, no matter what.

Panic sets in.

What if I have a bad reaction?

I can’t breathe.

Oh no.

This feels weird.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I’m on a roller coaster that I can’t get off.

I grip tighter.

Then one final aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

It is all blank.

What is this?

I come into consciousness.

I’m in Joe’s bed.

I look around and I see the lamp.

Joe’s out the room.

Is it over? That’s it? That’s all?

I see him come over.

You okay?

You okay?

I’m dazed, he’s blurry, is this real?

I look back at the lamp in the corner.

I lay down.

I’m in my own home, in my attic bedroom. I have a subtle memory of before, but it fades fast. I hear chattering downstairs. Everything is a daze. I try to get up to go downstairs to see who’s there.

Everything is blank.

It’s hard to describe in the moment, but in hindsight, I lost consciousness.

I’m on a gravel path. My son is here with me. We’re walking on the path. I can hear the crunching sounds on the ground.

Again, I lose consciousness.

Each time I wake up in a new location. A different time. Things are different.

I feel in my body a plane of existence passing back and forth.

Different realities all coexist in this same plane.

I’m moving through space, through time.

It all exists together.

Moving the feelings through

I can feel pain, happiness, suffering, joy, all flowing up.

I laugh.

I can’t control it.

It’s not just me. It’s everyone, everything, all moving.

I’m being born, then I die.

I’m birthed again, each time coming into consciousness slowly. It doesn’t make sense each time, then I gain understanding, then it fades.

I wake up for the last time.

I’m in bed.

I take off the eye mask.

I lean up.

Joe comes in.

He walks me out.

I find a chair outside, and I’m sitting there in a daze.

What is reality?

I have no sense of reality anymore. I must have been in at least 50 planes of existence.

How do I know this is real?

I realized that I left my phone in the cottage.

What is a phone? Why do I need this?

I stumble my way back. Where am I?

I find the phone.

I see a text message from my wife asking about Monday’s schedule.

I just experienced the multiverse and here I am responding back to transition schedules.

I did not see my ancestors

When I set out to do this, I had set the intentions that I wanted to visit my ancestors and learn from their knowledge.

The 🍄 gives you exactly what you need in the moment.

This was not what I needed, or at least what I thought in this moment.

It wouldn’t be for another year until all this finally made sense.

Next time.

If you want to hear a spoken word version of this, I did an interview on The Minority Trip Podcast, worth a listen.

You are 80

Thank you for reading. This is all going to get put into a book one day. Until then, thanks for hanging with me as my thoughts get written down.

As these pieces get put together, this newsletter will evolve into more resources, methods, and inspirations for you to go on your own journey. I’m almost there. A couple more issues until the story is written enough, then we begin the work.

If you know anyone that might benefit from this, please forward it along.