Hi frens, itās 80. Thanks for coming along with me on this journey. Weāre here to heal ourselves, so that we can be our best selves, so that we can change the world.
In this issue, Iām going to dive into my š experience.
After my first EMDR session, the world changed for me. The constant loud noises in my head was turned down, and all I had was the world quietly to myself. It presented new things that werenāt accessible to me, some good, some not so good. What I did know was I was ready to keep going.
I sent an intention on there that Iād like to try out a š trip.
I watched Paul Stametsā Fantastic Fungi on Netflix, and I heard from a few people on their trips.
A friend (Iāll call him Joe) offered to be my guide.
I flew into town and spent the night at a friendās house. The next morning, I got dropped off at Joeās house.
I went inside, and sat at the kitchen bar while he was getting setup. At this point, Iām anxious. Dan, my protector, is starting to kick in. He wants me to get out of dodge.
Joeās mixing up a tea concoction. Heās got a couple bags of green tea, some honey, and he says 7 grams of ground up š.
He asks if I want to take it straight up, or if he should strain it.
I donāt know, whatās good?
Okay, fine, Iām going to take it all. Letās YOLO.
Itās not as bad tasting as I thought. Iām chewing chunks of mushrooms.
I work my way down to the bottom of the cup, carefully scooping up all the last bits.
Now we chill and we wait.
Just relax, itāll take 30 minutes to kick in
I get up to go to the bathroom one final time.
I look in the mirror and ask myself, WFT am I doing.
I come back out to the kitchen and sit down.
How do you feel?
Iām a little nervous.
Wait, thereās a tingle in my upper chest. Is that normal?
Uh, no. Thatās fast dude, youāre not supposed to feel it yet.
Well, I do.
We walk out into his backyard. Heās got a nice small pool and a little cottage.
Heās making the bed and getting the equipment ready.
The world starts to spin a bit. I feel a little nauseous.
Dude, donāt throw up.
Iām not sure I can control that man. Okay, Iāll breathe more.
My heart is racing. I know this feeling. My body reacts to things very quickly and I go into a panic when Iām feeling out of control.
My vision starts to distort.
Iām feeling like Iām missing tiny snippets of time.
Joe helps me into bed.
I made it.
He puts on headphones. Then the eye mask. Then the weighted blanket.
It feels nice I said.
I calm down a bit. I feel safer.
Strap in, youāre going for a ride
With the eye mask on, headphones on, and the weighted blanket, itās a little sensory deprivation.
I donāt have the outside world to worry about.
Itās dark, there are some tunes playing.
I see color flashes, then a kaleidoscope of colors.
It feels like space mountain at Disneyland.
Out of the dark tunnel come magical shapes and colors.
Theyāre pulsing with the beat of the music.
I feel a tingle go up and down my body, like a plane of existence crossing through me.
Iām tasting colors (I know, thatās weird).
I can smell shapes (even weirder).
I see mist (super weird).
Then my protector kicks in and says I want to get off this ride. Letās go.
Iām doing maths in my head and weāre here for at least six hours. Thereās no getting off this ride, no matter what.
Panic sets in.
What if I have a bad reaction?
I canāt breathe.
Oh no.
This feels weird.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Iām on a roller coaster that I canāt get off.
I grip tighter.
Then one final aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
It is all blank.
What is this?
I come into consciousness.
Iām in Joeās bed.
I look around and I see the lamp.
Joeās out the room.
Is it over? Thatās it? Thatās all?
I see him come over.
You okay?
You okay?
Iām dazed, heās blurry, is this real?
I look back at the lamp in the corner.
I lay down.
Iām in my own home, in my attic bedroom. I have a subtle memory of before, but it fades fast. I hear chattering downstairs. Everything is a daze. I try to get up to go downstairs to see whoās there.
Everything is blank.
Itās hard to describe in the moment, but in hindsight, I lost consciousness.
Iām on a gravel path. My son is here with me. Weāre walking on the path. I can hear the crunching sounds on the ground.
Again, I lose consciousness.
Each time I wake up in a new location. A different time. Things are different.
I feel in my body a plane of existence passing back and forth.
Different realities all coexist in this same plane.
Iām moving through space, through time.
It all exists together.
Moving the feelings through
I can feel pain, happiness, suffering, joy, all flowing up.
I laugh.
I canāt control it.
Itās not just me. Itās everyone, everything, all moving.
Iām being born, then I die.
Iām birthed again, each time coming into consciousness slowly. It doesnāt make sense each time, then I gain understanding, then it fades.
I wake up for the last time.
Iām in bed.
I take off the eye mask.
I lean up.
Joe comes in.
He walks me out.
I find a chair outside, and Iām sitting there in a daze.
What is reality?
I have no sense of reality anymore. I must have been in at least 50 planes of existence.
How do I know this is real?
I realized that I left my phone in the cottage.
What is a phone? Why do I need this?
I stumble my way back. Where am I?
I find the phone.
I see a text message from my wife asking about Mondayās schedule.
I just experienced the multiverse and here I am responding back to transition schedules.
I did not see my ancestors
When I set out to do this, I had set the intentions that I wanted to visit my ancestors and learn from their knowledge.
The š gives you exactly what you need in the moment.
This was not what I needed, or at least what I thought in this moment.
It wouldnāt be for another year until all this finally made sense.
Next time.
If you want to hear a spoken word version of this, I did an interview on The Minority Trip Podcast, worth a listen.
You are 80
Thank you for reading. This is all going to get put into a book one day. Until then, thanks for hanging with me as my thoughts get written down.
As these pieces get put together, this newsletter will evolve into more resources, methods, and inspirations for you to go on your own journey. Iām almost there. A couple more issues until the story is written enough, then we begin the work.
If you know anyone that might benefit from this, please forward it along.