We all are on a path, each on a different part of the journey

It's easy to judge and compare, but we are all on our respective journeys. I'm learning to focus on mine, and be less judgemental on others.

The path for many is similar.

We spend our early years forming walls, masks, and weapons to survive our environment. We absorb the rules of society, spoken or unspoken. This is what you do to blend in, not stand out, so you don’t get rekted.

Not everyone makes it out.

Many have horrible childhoods and embrace harmful coping strategies.

Then we grind. We experiment, we learn, and we make mistakes. Some of those mistakes are life-ending, some leave lifelong scars, and others are stepping stones to the next level.

Then we get into the stage of life where we try to build a nest. We grind away at the 9-5, or we hustle the streets; either way, we accumulate. Again, for some, they strike it big, and they’re set; for others, it’s a lifelong grind to the death.

There is no promise of winning. There is not written path toward success. Life is a bell curve as defined by traditional measures like wealth, career, relationships, etc.

Then there is the next stage of life.

The dark night of the soul

Carl Yung called it this.

When we reach a moment in our life where we come to an existential crisis.

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

What is the meaning of life?

When you’re surviving, that’s all you see and hear. How do I get my next meal? How do I shelter myself against the elements? Am I physically safe?

If you get out of this stage, you’ve made it. You’re physically safe and secure. Not everyone is there, and it’s a luxury.

What did we give up to survive? How far away did you veer from your true self in order to make a place for yourself in this world?

The dark night of the soul is the unavoidable step of answering the knock from your soul. The voice that wants to be heard, the shadows that need to be seen, the reckoning that must be done.

Blood must be paid.

Few, if not none, make it through survival without blood on their hands. The price must be paid to find peace, to reconnect with one’s soul.

My ledger is red

I’m doing some equity work for a client, and some reconciliations were done in that process. I didn’t become the success I became without stepping on toes, breaking down walls, and climbing on the backs of others.

There is no benevolent saint in this world.

Our egos wants to protect us.

It wants the world to know that we're good.

I am a good person.

That ego leads us to do performative things, creates the 🤡 world we are in.

The real change happens when our egos are no longer driving the show, but that we accept our full selves, and the full selves of others.

That we are by definition, flawed beings. That we cause harm. That we are capable of healing, repairing, and reconciling.

This next arc is facing my reckoning. Not to punish myself needlessly, but to accept and embrace all the things I did to get here, to thank it, and to love it, but then to let go and take the actions that are needed to balance the ledger.

I am 80

I’m practicing meditation and reflecting on why I was drawn to 80.

8 is ♾️, it’s the duality of life, the circular polarity of either or, and the infinite point of zero. At the same time, we are all and nothing for all time.

I am both infinite in my power, and nothing. I can accomplish anything, and am nothing. In the middle, is life. The balance between all and nothing, the messy grey zone.

Week 18 of the newsletter and I’m still going

This weekly habit of putting my thoughts to digital paper is helping me form the skills and cadence to write, to express myself. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m getting there. Thank you for being here with me.