We're seeing a marriage counselor, what will happen next?

Couple's therapy is a taboo topic, we don't talk about the dysfunctions. We're focused on the perfect image.

Ms. Chubbicorn and I are in therapy.

If 1:1 therapy has been somewhat accepted, couples therapy is a taboo topic rarely discussed.

In the movies, couple’s therapy is shown as something broken people do.

We make fun of them. There’s something wrong. It’s not us.

Ms. Chubbicorn and I started couple’s work a few weeks ago.

It started when I made progress on my work. I raised my awareness. I realized my attachment needs and how her actions triggered my deep wounds.

It’s not her fault.

The wounds were caused before I met her.

They were caused before I was born.

And yet, here we are, dealing with them.

Round and round we go

It’s like watching a train wreck.

She did something.

I saw it.

I called it out.

I said I know exactly what’s happening. This is trigging my wound. I’m trying to stay conscious during this moment.

Oh no.

Here we go.

Down the hole I go.

And I lost it. Even with all my power, all my awareness, all I could do was name it, watch it, and watch the wreck happen.

It’s a recurring pattern. The triggers are there, and my reaction is disproportionately large, and yet it’s my reality.

Round and round we go.

I’ve gone as far as I can with my own work.

I can go further.

But I want to go with my partner.

I used to think of couple’s work as marriage counseling, dealing with a broken relationship, or fixing the broken person.

Instead, this is the work.

This is my work.

This is her work.

This will be our work.

When we let go of our guard, when we stay vulnerable, and let the discomfort seep in, we realize that deep underneath it all, is infinite possibilities.

Our egos get in the way.

Our masks protect us from the pain.

It keeps us from our potential.

What do I fear most?

After our second but deep working session with our therapist, it left us feeling uneasy. There was a moment of fear.

I asked myself, what is it that I most deeply fear?

And it reminds me of this scene in Coach Carter.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were all meant to shine as children do.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Thank you for being here with me. Do me a favor? Can you share this newsletter with someone you think might benefit from it?